


Double L in the Broomshed

by GingerTodgers



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Announcements, Banter, Humor, Interviews, Journalism, M/M, Radio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-08-29 10:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16742251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerTodgers/pseuds/GingerTodgers
Summary: After being papped snogging in the Deptford Chicken Cottage, Harry and Draco agree to an, a, one (!) interview. Of course they pick Lee and Luna's radio show and of course it goes delightfully, horribly wrong.





	Double L in the Broomshed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [spookywoods](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookywoods/gifts).



> Dear Spooky, I adore your writing and was thrilled to be matched with you for Owl Post. I hope you like this fic, Seasons Greetings from your Secret Santa.
> 
> Love and grateful tears to my alpha reader (U) and my incomparable beta (T). Thanks so much to the mods for putting on this wonderful fest!

It was still dark outside, and the lights in the recording studio made everyone look like they had the plague. Or at least an iron deficiency. Which reminded Harry that, for the 47th consecutive morning, he’d forgotten to take his Vitamin D potion. He sighed, Healer Florrie was going to murder him.

"Don't worry, mate" said Lee. "We'll start the two of you off easy. How long's it been going on, did you fancy each other at Hogwarts, etc."

"Do you believe that love is an emotion or a choice?" Luna suggested as she fiddled with one of the hovering microphones.

"Yeah, probably not that one, Moony" Lee swiveled in his chair to give Luna an affectionate grin. The studio only had two chairs, leaving Harry to sit on the sofa in the corner as a flock of microphones cartwheeled around his head. "We'll mostly keep the gloves on." Lee turned back to Harry, "Our listeners only care about the three Fs, anyway."

"The three Fs?"

Lee and Luna spoke at the same time:

"Flying, fighting, and fucking."

"Flossing, fencing, and flobberworms."

"Right,” Harry laughed. “Ok then." He looked down at the plastic visitors badge hanging around his neck. A corner of the plastic had come unstuck and was obscuring the first letter of his surname. In fact... he peered closer and realised that there had never been a 'P' on the tag. "Why does this say I'm called Harry Otter?"

"That's your code name, do you like it?" Luna had finished with the microphone and was now methodically wrapping a ball of sparkly blue yarn around the back of her chair. Lee was wearing a friendship bracelet made out of the same wool.

"Yeah, it's... well, it's not very... um..."

"'S crap isn't it?" Lee agreed. "Had to be done though, mate. Couldn't have those nosy arseholes down the corridor finding out about this."

"I thought you worked for the same station?"

"Yeah, but you think they wouldn't have sold out their own mums for an exclusive interview with the Saviour of the Magical World and the Slytherin who finally managed to Slither-In?"

Lee was only quoting one of the _ Prophet's _ headlines, but Harry still felt himself flush with anger and he glared down at the badge in his lap, muttering, "Right". The badge glared back at him, a tattered reminder that even though Harry was a regular on the show, this time was different. This time there were secrets, and Harry’s People calling the Radio Station’s People, and it was all a Very Big Deal and Scarily Official and Oh, Great, Harry Was Back To Thinking In Caps Because He Was A Bloody-

“Harry? Will you hold this for me?” Luna held out the ball of sparkly wool. Taking it absentmindedly, Harry tried to get back to brewing up a panic attack, only to discover that unfurling wool was rather complicated. First he forgot to do it, and Luna had to tug to get his attention. Then he unfurled too much, and it got tangled around one of the microphones.

“I know what you’re doing,” he said as Luna came over to help him untangle the wool. “Thanks.”

The three of them sat in silence as Luna carried on decorating her chair. There was a while until  _ Double-L in the Broomshed _ was due to start. Lee claimed responsibility for the show’s dreadful name, but Harry, along with the show’s regular listeners, suspected Luna was the culprit.

"So what happens when you, um, take the gloves off?" Harry asked.

"Well, the bosses will want us to ask at least a little bit about your history, opposite sides of the war, athletic rivals turned lovers, that kind of thing." At least Lee sounded apologetic.

"Right." Harry felt sick. “It’s a bit weird, this,” he said, carefully examining the ceiling. “You know, not, ah, not being here to talk Quidditch.” Usually he was being asked about Puddlemere’s latest cup run or whether the Magpie Seeker should actually, you know, try catching the Snitch.

“Oh, we’ll definitely be talking about Quidditch, mate,” said Lee, distracted as he reached up to twitch a few more dials. “Don’t forget you’re in The Broomshed. You finally going to tell us whether Baggins is serious about those transfers?”

“Do I ever?”

“No, but it’s funny watching you squirm.” Luna leant forward to squeeze Harry’s hand, then deftly started wrapping a second blue sparkly friendship bracelet around his wrist. It was the same as the one Lee wore and matched the crocheted choker Luna wore around her neck. This realisation sent something warm settling into Harry’s stomach.

“We’re the same,” he said, smiling at Luna.

“Always.” She smiled back. The room was silent again until Lee reached over to flip a switch, and the show scheduled to run before The Broomshed started playing through the speakers. Luna tilted her head, carefully tucking the now much smaller ball of wool back into the sleeve of her robes.

"Nearly done," she said, nodding towards the speaker. "I wonder when Draco will join us."

"Maybe he's not coming."

"Do you think so?" She didn't sound particularly alarmed. Harry tried to imagine how he'd feel in her place, with half of her star interview, the more coherent half, missing five minutes before going on air.

Draco’s sleepy half-smile jumped to the front of Harry’s mind. The way Draco had turned his face into the soft pillowcase, trying to hide his smile from Harry yet still flushed and open and so happy that it made Harry’s chest hurt to look at him.

"No." Harry said. "Draco'll be here."

Luna nodded in a pleased way, pulling out a copy of  _ The Quibbler _ . The show coming through the speaker was wrapping up, the host reminding her listeners to tune in next week for a panel discussion on whether Draco Malfoy was sleeping with Harry Potter for political gain, to pay off a life debt, or as part of a Druidic ritual to resurrect the Dark Lord.

"I thought the media was banned from calling him anything other than Voldemort," said Harry, trying to keep his voice level.

"We are." Lee's smile slipped for the first time since Harry had entered the studio. 

"Problem is that Fenella's taken it as some kind of challenge. The first time was a slip, but now she drops it in there a few times every show. She's even got people tuning in just to hear it."

"Why?" Harry suspected he knew the answer but he couldn't think of anything else to talk about, and they had to talk about something. The empty stretch of sofa next to him was becoming impossibly more empty as every second slipped by ,and if Draco didn't turn up soon Harry was probably going to have an on-air meltdown. Which was pretty much the only thing the station manager had asked him not to do. With a start, he realised Lee was mid-rant.

"-get some kind of kinky thrill out of hearing her say the Dark Lord, and the rest of them are claiming it's inspiring to hear the media throw off the shackles of censorship, which you'll notice they didn't care one bit about when- Draco!" Lee interrupted himself as the door opened. "Good to see you!".

Harry turned to watch as Draco murmured greetings to Lee and Luna before collapsing into the empty side of the sofa. He’d been running. His hair was sticking up at the back, his cheeks were bright pink and was that…

“Are those my trainers?” Harry demanded, leaning down to inspect the shoes on Draco’s feet so fast that he almost pitched himself onto the floor in the process.

“No.”

“They fucking are.” Harry jerked upright, feeling a bit lightheaded with rage as he glared at Draco’s smug face. “Those are limited edition.”

“Oh honestly, Potter. What use would I have for any of your dainty mouse shoes?” Draco drawled, crossing one obscenely long leg over the other. He hadn’t called Harry ‘Potter’ in a while, and that and the leg was almost enough to distract Harry from the fact that...

“I do  _ not _ have mouse feet. We are the same bloody size, apart from your gigantic-”

“Save it for when we’re on air, eh Harry?” Lee interrupted.

“Ego.” Harry continued. “Take them off.”

“Beg pardon?” Impossibly, Draco went even more horizontal. Reclining to the point of near levitation. “You wake me up at the buttocks of dawn, whining about this interview, and then when I turn up with this brilliant distraction you demand that I walk home shoeless? Through the lashing wind and seering snow-”

“Ooooh, is it snowing?” Harry and Luna spoke together, both of them scrambling over to the window, jostling to get there first.

There was no snow.

“Lies.” Luna hissed at Draco, stalking back to her chair. Lee raised a hand to give her a conciliatory fist bump.

“Well, really.” Draco sniffed, turning to Harry in obvious expectation of support, only to do a double take at Harry’s murderous expression. “Er… sorry. I am sorry. About the snow.”

“Shut it, Malfoy.” Harry slumped back onto the sofa, ignoring the way his thigh pressed up against Draco’s. “I’m going to tell everyone that you took me to KFC on our first date.”

“Don’t you dare.” Draco shot a frantic look at the hovering microphones. The clock on the wall said that they would be on air in less than three minutes.

“And I’m telling them that those are your trainers.” Harry suppressed a thrill of glee at Draco’s horrified expression.

“Draco? Do you have a mo? We just need to go through a few things.” Luna was apparently a lot quicker to forgive the fake snow alarm, launching into a slightly less coherent version of the speech Lee had given Harry. Nodding seriously, as if Their People hadn’t already hashed all this out, Draco leant forward, pouring a glass of water from the jug on the tea trolley and rubbing his hand through the back of his hair. Harry pushed aside the memory of how soft Draco's hair felt tangled around his fingers and drank from his own glass.

A small bell began to chime the hour.

"Alright, alright" Lee grinned, pulling on his headphones and gesturing that Harry and Draco should do the same. "Hello and welcome to  _ Double L in the Broomshed _ with Lee Jordan and Luna Lovegood! This is the show where we ask the big questions like who would win a fight between a hungover Nargle and the entire Chudley Canons team on poppers? Should Luna finally take the plunge and get the buzzcut she's been talking about since Hogwarts? For those of you not lucky enough to be in the room with myself and the oh-so-lovely Luna, I am frantically nodding my head at this. And if the Magical Games and Quidditch Department is so committed to creating an open and tolerant League, why do they still insist on using terms like ‘pure-blood’ and ‘half-blood’ on internal communications? All this and more but first-" he pointed to Luna.

"First, we have an interview with Harry Potter and my former landlord, Draco Malfoy," she beamed at the two of them. "Welcome to the show. Are you ready to answer intimate questions about your sex life?"

"Um... no?" said Harry.

"Not even slightly," said Draco.

"Excellent!" Lee jumped in "Let's get started then. Now for our listeners who aren't overly invested in the Saviour's Sex Life here's a quick recap. The two of you hated each other at school, inflicted physical and probably psychological scars on each other from the age of 11 up, left school to sign for rival teams, carried on fighting on and off the pitch for almost a decade and then last week were caught dry-humping in the Deptford Chicken Cottage takeaway. Correct?"

"Um... no?" said Harry.

"Not even slightly," said Draco.

"What bits do you disagree with, Harry?" asked Luna.

"Well, all of it? You're not technically wrong, er, Lee." Harry remembered just in time that he was supposed to say who he talking to on air. "But it wasn't as, um, sudden as that. We didn't just go from hating each other to wanting to... um..."

"You can say ‘fuck’ Harry, hardly anyone listens to our show." Luna nodded encouragingly.

"Right. Er, thanks. So we didn't just wake up and want to start fucking each other. It took years to get over what happened at Hogwarts and during the war. Draco spent most of it living and volunteering in Muggle neighbourhoods. That was, um, that was very important to me. To see that he hadn't just realised that Muggles shouldn't be murdered but that he was actually making an effort to understand them and get to know them.”

“And how did you know where Draco was living and spending his free time, Harry?” Luna smiled so sweetly that it took a few moments for Harry to realise how brutally she had dropped him in it.

“Er… well I, er… I kept an eye on him. On Draco.”

“Really.” Draco turned to Harry, propped his chin on a raised fist. “How fascinating. Do tell us more.”

“We’ve already talked about this,” said Harry, primly smoothing his jeans. “Someone who isn’t Luna ask a question.” He looked pointedly at Lee, only for Lee in turn to look pointedly at Draco. Draco who was sitting there with his hand in the air.

“Think Draco has a question,” said Lee. Like a traitor.

“Mmm, yes I’d like to hear a little more about what your observations entailed,” said Draco, leaning even closer. “In detail.”

“They weren’t observations,” Harry hedged. “More like… Alright so you know I love that Muggle bakery near Holloway Road? The one with the sticky cakes-”

“Baklava?” Draco asked, as if he hadn’t made a habit of turning up at Harry’s door with a box whenever they were having a fight.

“Right, those. Well, I stopped off for one on the weekend, in the off-season-” Harry remembered to add, just in time. No point in giving Healer Florrie even more reason to roll their eyes. “And I saw you coming out of the library.”

“And you followed me.”

“And I followed you.” Distracted by Draco’s smile, Harry took a moment to orientate himself. “Right. Well, all I knew about you after the war was that you were playing for the Wasps, which is more than enough reason to suspect a man’s character-” He turned to Lee and Luna for confirmation.

“Just so our viewers know Lee and myself are maintaining a diplomatic silence,” said Luna, trying not to laugh as Lee mimed throwing up into the bin.

“This is intolerable and I shall visit my wrath upon you all,” said Draco. “As soon as Harry finishes explaining how he trailed after me through the streets of Islington, like a lovesick puppy.

“Sick is the word.” Harry agreed. “Anyway. Draco was having a busy day. He visited a couple of our old Professors-”

“Slughorn?” Luna waited for Draco to nod. “This would have been during his decline? That’s nice of you to visit, Draco.”

“I thought so.” Taking note of Draco’s set expression, Harry jumped in. “Then he, Draco, he had a coaching lesson with a couple of the junior teams up by Wood Green. Didn’t even lose his temper when one lad pointed out how shit the Wasps are-”

“How close were you standing?” Draco demanded.

“Er… I may have had a couple of Extendable Ears with me.”

“Oh Harry,” said Luna.

“Yeah, I know,” Harry paused to rub a hand through his hair and remind himself that if he ever wanted to see his front doorstep again he’d have to shift the reporters that had been camped out there all week. Not that he was particularly attached to that particular slab of concrete, but there was a principle involved and-

“-I’d noticed him of course.” Draco was speaking. “He’s not, ah, he’s not easy to miss.”

“Wait, you saw me that day?” Harry interrupted.

“Luna asked if I was keeping tabs on you, the way you were on me.” Draco explained. He was getting rather good at that, noticing when Harry zoned out and not making a big deal out of it. “I don’t recall noticing you around Holloway, but I  _ saw _ you. Around, you know. Around the pitches, during the odd game.”

“Because you’re a Tornados fan.” Lee nodded solemnly. “Don’t blame you mate, I’d be too if I flew for the Wasps.”

“A Tornados- oh this is beyond the pale.” Draco spluttered, glaring at Lee. “The Wasps are an excellent team that continues to excel-”

“Not exactly an achievement when you’re starting from zero,” Luna helpfully pointed out. 

“We did not- there is no- this is ridiculous!” Draco threw his hands in the air, accidentally batting a hovering microphone in Luna’s direction. Maybe not an accident, Harry revised his assessment. “I am here for an interview about my, er, romantic life. Not to defend the excellent team I take great pride in playing for.”

“Right, right, so come on the show then,” said Lee. “Another time, come and tell us what we’re missing.”

“Oh, I will.”

“Good! Put it in the calendar, Moony,” Lee grinned. “You heard it here first, folks. Draco Malfoy, Seeker for the Willoughby Wasps, will break the habit of a career and give his first in-depth interview about the team’s performance. Here, next week on  _ Double L in the Broomshed _ . And now! Time to celebrate with some tunes!” He flicked his wand and turned back to Draco and Harry. “You can’t hear it but I’m playing The Slits cover of ‘Heard It Through the Grapevine.’”

“Oh, good choice.” Luna beamed, breaking into a wobbly version of the chorus.

Apparently stunned into silence, Draco turned to Harry and wordlessly held out his hand. Harry took it, rubbing his thumb across the back of Draco’s hand as Lee and Luna got ready to bring them back on air.

“Hello,” said Luna. “Welcome back, you’re listening to  _ Double L in The Broomshed, _ and that was The Slits playing the song I lost my virginity to.” She turned to Lee, clearly expecting him to chip in.

“Er…” looking a bit dazed, Lee cleared his throat. “That’s, er, good choice that one. Er. And I’ll be unpacking what Luna just said at a later point when my brain starts working. For now let’s get back to Harry and Draco. So, Harry. You saw Draco poncing around North London doing good and decided you’d like to do him good or…

“Yeah. I mean no.” Harry hastily corrected himself. “It wasn’t like I suddenly fancied him, I just… just realised maybe I’d got the wrong idea about him. Thought it might be worth reassessing things, you know?”

"How did you do that?" asked Luna.

"Well, I, um. Um. Well we worked together a lot, on the Rainbow Riders board-" Harry paused to regret, for the hundredth-thousandth time, that they’d let Lavender come up with the name for the LGBTQIA Quidditch Players Union. Just because she founded it, chaired it, and did all the administration and promotion for it. “At the time there was that fuss over whether queer people should be able to coach the junior leagues-” all four of them shuddered, and this time Luna pretended to throw up. “And Draco and I were the most high-profile out players, so we got thrown together a lot for the publicity and that. Public speaking isn’t really my favourite thing, and Draco is, um, turned out he was quite good at distracting me…” He trailed off, watching the blush spreading across the top of Draco's cheeks.

"Thank you, ah, Harry," said Draco.

"S'alright"

"Just to keep our listeners in the loop," said Lee, "Harry and Draco are currently staring deeply into each others eyes, and the sexual tension is thick enough that both Luna and myself are probably going to have to take pregnancy tests once the show wraps."

Harry swung around to glare at Lee as Draco made a strangled sound and dissolved into giggles. Luna was grinning, fingers busy weaving another friendship bracelet out of the blue sparkly wool.

"And what about you, Draco?" she asked. "When did you want to start kissing Harry?"

"Oh" said Draco, giggling again before making an obvious effort to compose himself. "Probably our 5th year at Hogwarts."

"What?!?"

"Shhh, Harry," said Luna. "Draco is talking now."

"But-"

"Yes, shhhh, Harry," said Draco. "I was rather distracted during our fifth year, but I think that was the first time I wanted to... ah... the first time I realised that a lot of the... the... strong feelings I had toward, ah, Harry, were motivated by something other than a desire to punch him in the face. Although that feeling was present too. It was a very confusing time."

"Sounds it," said Lee. "So you weren't grinding all over Hogwarts?"

"No, no. Not until we joined the Rainbow Riders."

"Really," Lee turned to Harry. "You didn’t fancy Draco at school, then?"

"Urmph."

"I think what Harry is trying to say is that it took a little longer for him to come around to my... charms."

"Charms? Is that a euphemism for..." Lee trailed off and waggled his eyebrows. Draco remained silent. “So what you’re saying is that the moment that  _ Prophet _ photographer papped in the Chicken Cottage wasn’t the first flush of love, at least not for you? Draco?” Draco continued to remain silent, his lips pressed into a thin line.

“And what about you, Harry?” Luna piped up. “Rainbow Riders was a few years ago now. Why has it taken this long for the two of you to go public?”

“Um. Well we, er, we got together in Rainbow Riders but not, er, together. If you know what I mean?”

“Dumbledore himself would struggle to understand you,” Draco finally spoke. “What Harry is trying to say is that it took a while for us to formalise our, ah, relationship.”

“And that moment in the Chicken Cottage was…” Lee was still smiling, but a slightly manic glint in his eye made it clear that Draco would not be able to keep wiggling out of the question.

“Yes, yes, very well. Yes.” Draco sighed. “That was the, ah, moment that we became…”

“Boyfriends.” Harry took pity on him. “Didn’t mean for it to happen at the Cottage, but it’d come up. I told Draco I wanted us to be, you know, and then we both got a bit pleased when he said yes.”

“Which of course was the moment the _ Prophet _ photographer decided to perform invasive maneuvers and pap the two of you,” said Lee. “Well then! Quick recap for listeners just joining us. Harry and Draco: schoolboy enemies, wartime adversaries, Quidditch rivals - if you believe that the Wasps even belong in the same league at the Tornadoes - and then Rainbow Riders, mates, mates with dates, and now the reason Deptford Chicken Cottage is clogged up with snogging couples, and it’s impossible to get a decent Chicken Parmo. Yeah?

“Aside from the fact that there’s no such thing as a Chicken Parmo that doesn’t look like it’s been scraped off a toilet floor, yeah, you’re right.” Harry beamed at Lee’s outraged squeak. “Now if there’s no other questions…”

“Oh, Harry.” Luna ruefully shook her head. “I’m afraid that this was nowhere near enough to slake public curiosity.”

“She’s right,” said Lee. “All this will have done is tickle the perverts’ appetites. Afraid you’re going to have to come back another time and…”

“Absolutely not,” said Draco. “We agreed to do an, a, one-” he held up a long, slender finger. Harry shivered. “-interview, and this was it. Neither Harry or myself will be answering any further questions on the subject of our relationship and,” he leant closer to the microphone, “if any reporters remain on Harry’s doorstep when we return, I will personally see to it that the Holyhead Harpies pay a visit to the _ Prophet _ HQ, and any other publication in evidence.”

“Harry?” Luna turned big, sparkly blue eyes to Harry. They were the same colour as their matching friendship bracelets.

“Er, what Draco said. But we’ve got a minute left, haven’t we? So if you’ve got anything else to ask…” Harry ended with a shrug.

“Spineless.” Draco grumbled, looking far too fond for the word to have any bite.

“Where was your first date?” Lee asked.

“KFC.”

“Oh, do fuck off, Potter. It was the World Cup Semi-finals in Bolivia.”

“Which of you is the Taurus in the relationship?” Luna asked.

“Er, neither of us. I’m a Leo, and he’s a Gemini.”

“But if we were to speak in metaphysical terms?”

“Right, um,” Harry cast a helpless glance at Draco, who shrugged. “Er, he is.”

“Interesting!” Luna proceeded to make extensive notes on the back of the show tracklist, nodding seriously to herself.

“Who’s got the better taste in music?” Lee pointed at Draco to answer.

“Ginny.” Draco promptly gave the only acceptable response.

“Are you in love with Draco?” Luna asked.

“Yes.” A mushroom cloud of awkward silence ballooned in the wake of Harry’s answer. He’d spoken without thinking, responding to the tug deep in the pit of his stomach and ignoring the part of his brain that was screaming at him to just, please, shut the fuck up.

"Ah." Draco apparently didn't have anything else to say.

"Well," said Luna. "This is certainly awkward enough to give our ratings a nice boost. Harry, have you told Draco that you are in love with him before?"

“Not so much, no. Um. I think we’re done here, right?” Harry glanced at the clock, carefully avoiding Draco’s eye.

"Yeah, of course" said Lee, fiddling with some of the controls. "Thanks for coming in to chat with us, Harry and Draco. Lovely listeners! We're going to have a quick musical break, but don't go away, because after this complete banger-" Luna snorted, Lee waved two fingers at her without taking his eyes off the dash. "Ahem, after this complete and utter banger from Run The Jewels we'll be back to ask Harry and Draco some more questions." “Legend Has It” filled the studio, and Lee leant across to flick one of Luna's radish earrings. "Couldn't let me live out my Ibiza Clublord DJ Superstar dreams even for a moment, eh, Moony?"

Luna gave him a dreamy smile before turning back to Harry and Draco. "Are you alright?"

"Fine." Harry took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. 

“Harry-”

“Not right now.” Harry held up a hand, cutting Draco off.

“We really should-”

"Look." He put his glasses back on and turned to Draco. "Do you want to have this chat in front of Lee and Luna and millions-" Lee coughed. "Hundreds of thousands-" Harry amended, Lee coughed again. "Alright, fucking thousands," he shot Lee a glare, "of listeners? Draco?"

"We are going to talk about this." Draco set his jaw in that mulish expression Harry had begun to associate with long arguments about the Cannons back four.

“I know, but not here.” Harry reached forward and took Draco’s hand. “Yeah?”

“Very well, come along.” Draco stood, pulling Harry with him.

"Goodbye, Draco, and good luck, Harry." Luna piped up, causing Harry to realise that she and Lee were leaning against each other and giving him and Draco matching gleeful expressions.

"Er, thanks. Are you going to tell people about this?”

“Probably. But don't worry," she smiled, "Draco is clearly in love with you. I'm sure that your conversation will be very enjoyable and-"

"And this is where we leave, come along." Draco executed a 180 degree turned and marched towards the studio door. Harry hurried after him.


End file.
